Together, we waIked down the street until we came to the main road. Across the street, ‘a group of boys played football disinterestedly, I’d given them glance. Briefly, I looked back to make sure Kabir was following behind. Suddenly, I saw the blue ball sail through the air towards our direction. It bounced on the ground, rolled across the road and mid way, it stopped. I ignored it and went on my way. But Kabir did not. Before I realised what he was about to do, it was too late, immediately the ball stopped in the middle of the road, he went for it, not knowing there was an oncoming car speeding fast towards him.
Many times, I overheard her tell her friends or relations that I’d cunningly taken her son away from her. On hearing such things, I don’t get annoyed. Instead, I would approach her like a good sister should and explain to her how much I’d wanted a child but couldn’t have One. I try to tell her how much I loved her child, which does not mean I’m trying to take him from her. She’ll pretend to understand, but deep down I knew she wasn’t happy.
But there was nothing I could do about this, I just couldn’t stop lovinq her baby. He was like a son to me.
In the next two days, He would be celebrating his fourth birthday. I’d promised’ to buy him a big, beautiful, colourtul football, which was something he’d wanted for long. He told me in his tiny little voice he wanted to be a footballer.
“Why do you want to be a footballer?” I renember asking him.
“Because I want to appear on television like Yekini” He said, he knew the names of all the football stars on television.
“But can ‘you play like Yekini?” I teased
“Aha •.. yes now. In school, I used to play and score many goals” He ‘replied
His handsome features broke into smile. He looked every bit like his father. I gathered him in my arms and I gave him a peck.
“Okay, I’ll buy you a ball for your birthday” I told him. –
“A big ball?” He asked, his face eager and questioning.
“Yes, a big beautiful ball” I replied with a smile.
Since that day, he would come to my room, lay in my arms and remind me of my promise to buy him a big ball.
This night, he had come as usual, but he didn’t know when he fell asleep.
Later, his mother came to pick him, but I’d told her to let him sleep. By tomorrow, we’d visit the shops at the round about together and buy his ball.
That night, I returned to bed but couldn’t sleep. My mind was troubled;
The black dog and owl I’d just seen didn’t make things any better. Silently, I recited a Psalm until I drifted back to sleep.
The next day was a Saturday. I did my laundry in preparation for work the I coming week. Later, I prepared to take Kabir across the road to the shops by the roundabout and pick up his ball. If I’d known the tragedy that would befall me, I won’t have stepped an inch outside. But like a blind man, I couldn’t see, I lacked the power to peep into the future and predict what was to happen. The frightful incident last night should have been a warning signal but I chose to ignore it. As a result, I lost everything and plunged headlong into death. Lt was tragic.
I left the’ house that day with Kabir tagging closely behind. He was wearing his Jeans shorts with T-shlrt and a face cap. He looked really excited and I left him to follow at his own pace. He was enjoying himself. His mother had wanted him to stay home because of
his lesson teacher who normally came by 3’0 clock. but I’d insisted he carne along since lt would take another hour before his lesson was due.
Reluctantly, his mother had accepted. To disagree was to indlrectly.tell me that Ihad no righ over her son. Together, we waIked down the street until we came to the main road. Across the street, ‘a’ Ii roup of boys played football disinterestedly, I’d given them glance. Briefly, I looked back to make sure Kabi was following behind. Suddenly, I saw the blue ball sail through the air towards our direction. It bounced on the ground, rolled across the road and mid way, it stopped. I ignored it and went on my way. But Kabir
did not. Before I.realised what he was about to do, it was too late, immediately the ball stopped in the,middle of the road, he went for it, not knowing there was an oncoming car speeding fast towards him.
He walked straight towards it. Everything was like a movin’g picture in slow motion. I could see his tiny legs as he crossed the road. At that same moment, I saw the oncoming car. I dashed forward, my hands out- stretched, my mouth open in a soundless cry, my eyes wide with terror. Then the screeching of tyres as the driver tried to avoid running into him. But it was too late . There was a deafening sound as the car bumped into him, lifting him up into the air, then a loud thud as his body hit the ground. I ran forward towards the lifeless body, but there was nothing I could do anymore, he was dead.
I couldn’t cry, I was beyond crying. I just stared at the body, not knowing what else to do. I didn’t know how I got home or who took me, but on getting back home, the consequences of what had just happened was overbearing. I knew the implications. The mother on seeing her son’s body fainted. She was revived, When she stood up, she took another look on her son, she went back into neighbourhood shook with the sound of weeping.
The house was filled with people who came lias so in large numbers to sympathise. When his father got home, no one could tell him. He trashed himself on the ground many times until people feared for his life.
That day, he cried like a woman. Me, I was just confused. I knew sooner or later, people would start insinuating I had something to do with the death of the boy, a” because I didn’t have a child of my own. Forgetting that I loved him with all my heart and would have willingly given my life in exchange for his. Honestly, I would. But no one would believe me, least of all his mother.
That night, as I got to bed, I thought about my predicament. I mean this inability to have a child. If it had not been for this, I wouldn’t have found myself in this situation. Arid though I tried not to, I began to cry as the events of the day finally took its toll. Hot. jerking sobs surged through my body when I re-called that the source of my sorrow wasn’t of my making. Even the Lord who created me, created me fertile. It was because of what my father did long ago that I’m now barren, something I know nothing about, something which, I now bear the sordid burden. It was an evil thing which happened in an unfortunate past. A past which left my father dying silently on his sick bed, his eyes deep and hollow from the fear of death. And as death eventually crept in he turned, twisted, jerked, hoping he could evade the cold, gripping hands which was Silently but unceasingly luring him, urging him on further and deeper into a dark bottomless pit, where the wicked shall live in burning torment until world everlasting.
Some years after my father’s death, I met and married Jubril. Three years after, I still couldn’t get pregnant. Medical analysis showed that I was barrren.
We tried the local traditional doctors but nothing came iorth from their medication.
By then, pressure from Jubril’s family had begun to mount. They wanted him to marry another woman which he bluntly refused, though his religion allowed him to marry more than one. I knew he didn’t want to hurt me. He loved me so much and he still does.
Our love was so strong nothing could come between us. Not even my inability to have a baby could make him love me less. But one thing I knew he cherished most was to have a child he could call his own, somebody to make him laugh with the joy of fatherhood.
And I felt greatly disappointed that I deprived him of this happiness. This troubled my mind so much it made me cry, even in my sleep. With tears in my eyes, I’d gone home to my mother. It was then I discovered that frightful secret my father had kept from me all these while, even until death.
“Peju,” My mother called.
“All these crying woutdn’t help you. What happened has happened and no amount of tears can make ‘water come out of ‘ stone. I would advise you to forget this incident and face life as if you never knew… ” . .
“Forget what ehn? I say forget:what ?” I asked her with tears flowing ceaselessly down my cheek. ‘
“You think such a thing is easy to forget? That my own father would let this happen to me. Me ! His only child and daughter.
Oh mother … it’s terrible ….. ” I broke off as another spasm of tears shook my body.
Look Peju, your father loved you. He did, very much. If not for that. things wouldn’t have been like this. It is better this way than for you to have died”
“Oho, so what he did was better, abi? Why do I have to be the one to bear his unholy cross for him. Did I send him to join a secret society ? Now, I left to suffer. It would have been better if he had allowed them to take my life.
She was silent, not knowing what else to say. Really, whatever she had to say wouldn’t make any difference.
The deed had been done and nothing could change it. Except, of co u r s e , the special grace of the Almighty. I still hold on to that last rein of hope. That morning, when I got to her house, I’d broken down in tears as I narrated the ordeal l’d been going through in the hands of my husband’s family. I told her the severe hardship they imposed on me and how some sneered at my back, while others I called me names to my face. They treated me like dirt all .because I couldn’t give their son a child. After I’d finished narrating my ordeal, she looked at me with eyes filled with sorrow and pity. Then she began to speak. ‘
“Peju, I’m sorry you’re suffering like this. I know what you must be going through. I would have told you this thing I’m about to ‘reveal to you long ago, but I wanted you to make the first move just like you have done now. You see, I don’t blame your for what is happening to you, because what has happened has nothing to do with• you. It was your father who brought this disgrace upon you. Though he did it to save your life.
…To Be Continued
