He may be right. Things may not go as smoothly as I think they would go if I leave him. Definitely, I would have to go through some rough patches without MD in my life. I know all of these and I was willing to take the risk. But, more than anything else, I could also see what the man was doing. He was trying to scare me. He was trying to put great fear of the unknown into me. Knowing I wouldn’t know for certain what could come out of taking such decisive step, he was trying to create doubts in my mind so that the uncertainties of walking away from him and living alone would make me begin to have second thought. But more than anything else, what it also means is that MD was not really being sincere with me about his intention for us to get married.
“MD, if I can read your mind correctly, going by what you just said, it is like you have no sincere intention to do the wedding! You are just taking me on a wild goose chase that you know will lead to nowhere! Is that what this is about? This is all a lie, right? You have such plans to make me your legally married wife, right?”
MD opened his mouth to speak but, at first, no word came forth. He was shocked by my outburst.
“Anita, why would you say something like that?” he asked, looking bewildered. I wondered why. The man must be a good actor himself.
I looked him coldly in the eyes and said to him: “Because, with what you just told me now, it is very obvious that I am wasting my life with you!”
His eyes bulged out of their sockets with shock. I had hit him hard below the belt. It was a cold, harsh thing to say but I did not regret it one bit. I needed to say the truth to his face. He was not treating me fairly and who else could tell him the truth but me.
“Anita, oh, my God!” he exclaimed. “But why would you say a thing like that? Are you being fair here at all?” He paused, looked at me intensely and shook his head in a manner that suggested he was terribly disappointed. “So, you think you are wasting your life with me? Is that really what you think this is?”
“Until you put a ring on my finger, yes, that’s what I think it is,” I returned very coldly, not minding the fact that he appeared crest fallen.
“If you actually had the sincere intention to go ahead with our wedding, you will not say what you just said, threatening me that I won’t find life easy if I walk away, when what you should be saying is that I will never have any reason to walk away,” I’d continued. “I may be younger than you in age but I think I deserve to be fairly treated, MD. I have emotions too, you know. You need to consider my own feelings when you say these things to me.”
MD just sat down there on the couch quietly, staring at me and then looking up at the ceiling. Then, he rose to his feet. “I need to leave, Anita, I can see that if I stay a minute longer, chances are that you could make me react in a way I might regret.”
I wasn’t expecting that from him. I thought he would still beg me and reassure me of his sincere intentions to do the needful. What have I said now that he is angry with me? Is that enough reason for him to get up and tell me he’s leaving? And when I tell him he no longer cares about my emotions, he gets upset, has he not proved me right, now?
I looked straight at him, with a dead pan expression on my face and anger in my voice and said to him: “And you really think getting up and just walking away is the best way to resolve this, right?” I asked him coldly.
He knew I was angry he was leaving. But he was angry too. We were both angry and none was ready to calm down for the other. “You have left me with no choice, Anita, I think it is best I take my leave now before things get really messy between us,” MD returned, looking around to pick up his briefcase.
“It’s okay, then, MD, you can leave if that’s what will make you happy,” I said to him, trying to figure out one really hurtful word I could say to him. I was that bitter with him.
“No, Anita, it’s not about whether it will make me happy, it is more about what is best for both of us at this time,” MD responded, scarcely looking at me while he spoke. “You and I have had a pretty tough last few days and I think it’s taking its toll on both of us. At the rate you’re going, you will get me really upset and make me say things I might not like.”
“So, does this very action you’re taking now not prove that I was right all along?” I’d thrown at him, literally ready to pounce on him if he gave me the reason to.
“Right about what?” he asked, puzzled.
“Right about the fact that you don’t give a damn about me!” I snarled at him, trying to blackmail him emotionally. “If I mattered to you, would you treat a case as serious as what we’re talking about here like this? I am pained by the fact you have refused to put a ring on my finger which allows your wife to speak to me whichever way she wants and treats me like a piece of garbage, yet you see nothing wrong with that, right?” I hissed loudly as I shook my head. “Now, instead of showing some understanding, you say you’re leaving, right? Okay, no problems!”
But all that I said did not hit his emotions like I wanted. He had obviously made up his mind to leave. And I wasn’t ready to beg him to stay either. He picked up his briefcase, kissed Junior who was sleeping on the couch and headed to the door.
“I have nothing else to say to you, Anita. When tempers have gone down, we will continue this wedding matter but for now, have a good night rest,” he said to me as he walked out of the room. Few minutes later, I heard his car engine come to life and then he drove off.
I was dazed. I was livid. I was furious. I couldn’t believe MD actually left me and drove off, despite knowing how unhappy I was with him. I was restless. I needed to talk to somebody and unburden my heart and the only person I could talk to was Aunty Meg.
I headed straight to her flat. I knocked twice and waited to hear come to the door.
“Who is there?” I heard her voice from inside.
“It is me, Aunty Meg, please, open up, I need to talk to you,” I answered. She promptly opened the door and I went inside to sit down. Seconds later, Aunty Meg joined me and saw the look on my face.
“Anita, you don’t look too good, are you okay?” she asked me. I wanted to speak but the words refused to come. The harder I tried, the more I lacked the words to say. And then, I broke down, the tears started to come tumbling down my face…..
…To Be Continued
