The doctor was baffled. He had no idea what was happening to me. I leapt down from the bed and covered my body fully with my cloth. I can’t explain the sudden fear that gripped me, it was as though I was staring at the ghost of my father and the image of my poor mother, crying and scolding me for letting them down.
“Anita, I don’t understand, what’s the problem? What’s going on?” the apparently shocked doctor asked me. But there was nothing to explain to him, he would not understand.
“I’m sorry, doctor, I am no longer interested in the D and C again.” I’d thrown at him, trying to get myself together before leaving the room.
“But you still haven’t told me what the problem is, did I say or do something that offended you or something?” he asked me.
“This has nothing to do with you, doctor, I just changed my mind, that’s all,” I told him as I headed out of the room to the reception where my big Aunty who brought me was waiting for me.
“Ah, so fast? Are you guys done already?” Aunty threw at me the moment she sighted me.
“She just got down from bed and said she was no longer interested in the D and C,” the doctor, who had been following me from behind said to Aunty.
“No longer interested?” Big Aunty had fired back. She couldn’t believe what she’d heard. “Is that true, Anita, did you say you are no longer interested in the D and C?” she turned to me.
“I’m sorry, Aunty, I cannot go ahead with it,” I calmly answered, looking away from her eyes.
“But, why dear, how much you wanted to do this? So why back out now?”
“I just think it’s the best thing for me to do right now, Aunty,” I replied.
Big Aunty studied me for a while and asked, “Or is it that you’re scared something might go wrong?”
I did not say anything. She just hit the nail right on the head.
“Is that the reason, Anita?” she’d asked again. And again, I remained mute.
“It’s like that’s the problem, she’s scared.” The doctor said.
“Aunty, can we please leave, I will explain things to you in the car, “ I finally said to her.
I was already on my way out. Aunty turned to the doctor, “I’m so sorry for the inconvenience, doctor, please don’t be annoyed,” my Big Aunty apologised. But I really couldn’t be bothered about apologising to the doctor or to anybody for that matter. All I wanted at that point was just to get home and clear my head.
I had already got into the car and was waiting for her to join me. When she finally did moments after, the first thing she asked me as the car engine came to life was, “Anita, what is going on?”
She would not understand. No matter how much I try to explain, I didn’t think she would understand. To her, evacuating the pregnancy inside me seemed like a straight forward, but it’s not quite like that. But would she understand?
“Let’s go, Aunty, please….” I’d said to her, looking out of the window of the car.
“Come on, Anita, talk to me, what’s the problem?” she’d asked again, not ready to move the car yet.
“Really, Aunty, it’s nothing, I just changed mind…”
“But, why, Anita?” she’d interjected, looking genuinely worried. “Or did the doctor do or say something to you that you don’t like?”
“Well, not really, but I just decided I didn’t want to go through with it,” I responded, still looking out of the window.”
“Ah,ah!” She’d exclaimed, totally puzzled. “But you were the one on my neck asking that I bring you here as soon as possible, so what happened?
I still didn’t know how to begin to explain to her. Going by her reaction already, I knew she probably would not be able to make sense of whatever I had to tell her.
“Aunty, let’s go, please..l.. so I’ll tell you everything on the way but let’s leave here first.”
The woman was speechless. Confused. She gazed straight into my eyes for a short while before letting out a heavy sigh.
“Do you promise you’ll tell me what the problem is?” she asked.
“Yes, Aunty, I promise I will,” I’d assured her.
That was when she engaged the car gear and drove out of the hospital’s parking lot. And by the time we’d driven in silence for a few minutes and were well out of the hospital’s vicinity, I knew Aunty would bring up the subject soon. And she did.
“So, Anita, you want to tell me about it now?”
…to be continued