LADIES’ PICK: The Link Between Sex And Money


Ever wondered what it would be like to make a career out of sex? Showtime’s new show “Secret Diary of a Call Girl” plays to just such curiosity.

It is based on the book which was based on the blog of an English call girl who sells her body to strangers because she loves sex and money.

As Entertainment Weekly reports:

“Call Girl” is a blatant attempt to re-create the friction and success of “Sex and the City” down to the knowing-girlfriend voice-over. Indeed, as Hannah by day, Belle by night, Piper gives us a sassy cross between Carrie and Samantha. If either of those characters had been British. Or hookers.

The series seems to make the case that you CAN be happy and be a prostitute, yet arguing that this is an enjoyable alternate career choice seems difficult to do. And the women who claim to have successfully done this are seemingly few and far between.

Sex and Money

Sex and money seem to be common themes nowadays, as sex scandals abound, and the money that comes along with it is obscene! As our culture becomes more engrossed in the pairing of these two subjects, they are also the two topics causing the most problems in marriage.

Sex is tied into money and that’s all wrapped up in power. The power struggle between men and women, in our relationships and marriages is familiar territory, if only recently glorified by bawdy TV shows.

The Balance of Money, Sex, and Power

As I discuss in my book, Financial Infidelity, the balance of money, sex, and power can make or break a relationship, and often times, financial infidelities can take just as heavy a toll on a relationship as a  sexual infidelity.

Couples often fall into financial infidelity when they are not honest about how they spend money, or don’t discuss the strain that finances can put on a relationship.

One person may be overspending and going behind the other’s back by getting cash back at the grocery store and using it for personal items, operating bank accounts that the other person doesn’t know about, or any one of a number of things, some of which may seem inconsequential.

Often, the issue isn’t that one partner is withdrawing, say $20 without the other’s knowledge, it’s the spirit of deceit in which it’s done.

The Blowback

The blowback from this can be financial: when the “deceived” partner finds out what’s going on, they may feel entitled to make purchases of their own, further eroding the confines of a budget, not to mention trust.

It can also be relational as financial infidelity involves going behind someone’s back, covering your tracks, and not being honest with your partner, just like sexual infidelity.

Knowing how to deal with these struggles and understanding the differences between you and your partner when it comes to these things is crucial to a healthy, respectful relationship. Of course, this is easier said than done, especially if you haven’t pried into your financial history before.

A good place to start is by discussing your personal money habits, then taking a look at how money was dealt with in your past and in your family. You might be able to start drawing some conclusions about current behaviour from examining your past.

If you’re thinking that the benefits of a hefty bank account could help turn up the heat in the bedroom, you’re at least partly right.

Money might not buy love, but it can allow for a sizzling sex life.

About 70% of multimillionaires — with a mean net worth of a whopping $90 million — say they enjoy better and more adventurous sex, according to a 2007 survey by Prince & Associates Inc., a marketing research firm specializing in global private wealth.

“Fully 63% of rich men said wealth gave them ‘better sex,’ which they defined as having more-frequent sex with more partners. That compares to 88% of women who said more money gave them better sex, which they defined as ‘higher quality’ sex,” writes Robert Frank in an article for the Wealth Report entitled “The Rich Libido.”

It makes sense when you think about it: Money relieves much of the life stresses that most of us have to deal with, helping those 1%ers relax and let go.

The security of extreme wealth can provide a sense of stability that many people, particularly female millionaires, find empowering. And expensive toys like private jets and trips to exotic locales certainly don’t hurt, either.

Hooking up with the rich may even improve the quality of sex, at least for women. In a 2009 study (PDF), researchers at Newcastle University found that as male partners’ income increased, so did the frequency of women’s orgasms.

Political differences and the bedroom

Could money act as an aphrodisiac? Maybe. Or, as the study’s authors suggest, perhaps wealth-inspired orgasms are the result of evolution, helping women discriminate between men to find those that have the best provider potential.

However, a partner who can provide more resources and more orgasms may not necessarily be the best long-term bet, because wealth changes people, and not always for the better.

According to social psychologist Justin Lehmiller, “Wealthier people engage in more dishonest and unethical behavior, and these traits may follow them into the bedroom. In fact, research has found that power and wealth are linked to a higher likelihood of infidelity.”

But luckily for all of 99%ers, sex itself may confer more happiness than money ever could.

In one study, researchers at Dartmouth College and the University of Warwick, England, measured levels of happiness in 16,000 men and women. They found that the more sex people had, the happier they were, regardless of their age or whether they were male or female.

And while money was found to buy more sexual partners, it didn’t necessarily buy more sex. In fact, men who paid for sex were considerably less happy than those who didn’t, which makes sense.

According to Lehmiller, “You can buy all of the sex you want, but at the end of the day, most of us want and need more than a few moments of physical contact. Purchasing sex does not meet our psychological needs for intimacy and emotional connection.”

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The researchers even found that sex is so closely tied to happiness that they estimated increasing sexual intercourse from once a month to once a week would have the same mood-boosting effects as adding $50,000 a year in income.

Sex may contribute to your happiness — and your actual bank account — in other ways, too. According to research by biological anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher, people who have more sex might do better at work.

Sex triggers the release of various brain chemicals, such as dopamine, vasopressin and oxytocin, which are associated with creativity, problem-solving, cooperation and confidence. It stands to reason, says Fisher, that regular sex might improve performance in the boardroom as well as the bedroom.

So how can you reap these rewards? Invest in your relationship by giving it the same time and attention that you would your retirement portfolio. Make time for date nights. Make sure that the number of positive interactions with your partner outnumbers the negatives.

Practice 30-second hugs to get those feel-good chemicals flowing. Share a cuddle — and maybe a fantasy or two. Remember, you may not own six homes and a private jet, but when you bank on your relationship, you can feel just as rich.

So what makes you happier: sex or money?