I was already on my way out. Aunty turned to the doctor, “I’m so sorry for the inconvenience, doctor, please don’t be annoyed,” my Big Aunty apologised. But I really couldn’t be bothered about apologising to the doctor or to anybody for that matter. All I wanted at that point was just to get home and clear my head.
I had already got into the car and was waiting for her to join me. When she finally did moments after, the first thing she asked me as the car engine came to life was, “Anita, what is going on?”
She would not understand. No matter how much I try to explain, I didn’t think she would understand. To her, evacuating the pregnancy inside me seemed like a straight forward but it’s not quite like that. But would she understand?
“Let’s go, Aunty, please….” I’d said to her, looking out of the window of the car.
“Come on, Anita, talk to me, what’s the problem?” she’d asked again, not ready to move the car yet.
“Really, Aunty, it’s nothing, I just changed mind…”
“But, why, Anita?” she’d interjected, looking genuinely worried. “Or did the doctor do or say something to you that you don’t like?”
“Well, not really, but I just decided I didn’t want to go through with it,” I responded, still looking out of the window.”
“Ah,ah!” She’d exclaimed, totally puzzled. “But you were the one on my neck asking that I bring you here as soon as possible, so what happened?
I still didn’t know how to begin to explain to her. Going by her reaction already, I knew she probably would not be able to make sense of whatever I had to tell her.
“Aunty, let’s go, please..!.. so I’ll tell you everything on the way but let’s leave here first.”
The woman was speechless and confused. She gazed straight into my eyes for a short while before letting out a heavy sigh.
“Do you promise you’ll tell me what the problem is?” she asked.
“Yes, Aunty, I promise I will,” I’d assured her.
That was when she engaged the car gear and drove out of the hospital’s parking lot. By the time we’d driven in silence for a few minutes and were well out of the hospital’s vicinity, I knew Aunty would bring up the subject soon. And she did.
“So, Anita, you want to tell me about it now?”
I had to tell her what happened but I didn’t quite know how to make her see reasons with me. Something told me she’d be mad if I couldn’t convince her with my story. But I know I had tried all the same.
“Aunty, I’m really sorry that I couldn’t go ahead with it,” I’d begun, looking nervously away from her.
“I feel bad that I’ve wasted your time and I know that…”
“It’s okay, Anita”, she interjected.
“Just go ahead and tell me what the problem is,” she’d insisted.
“Or was it the doctor that got you infuriated inside the clinic?”
I shook my head. “Well, not really, Aunty we had a little issue but we settled it,” I explained. “The thing is that I suddenly developed this scary sensation all over me the moment the doctor was prepared to start the D&C. I started seeing images of myself inside a coffin and people were gathered around the coffin to bury me. And people were crying and saying it was the D&C that I did that killed me. That’s why I decided to opt out of the D&C idea. I was afraid I might die, Aunty, and …I don’t …I don’t want to die…”
“What!!” the older lady exclaimed. She was clearly in shock.” You mean you chose to stop the D&C just because of some silly thoughts that came to your mind?”
I let out a big sigh. “No, Aunty, it’s not silly thought, I actually fell it…”
“You felt what?” she’d thrown back at me in disbelief.
“How could you do such a thing over flimsy excuse! The pregnancy is only a few weeks gone, how could possibly imagine anything could happen to you?
If you weren’t so sure about the D&C, why then did you have to make us leave home and come all the way here?”
She was already very angry with me. And I saw this coming, I knew she would not make any sense of what I did, and to be honest, I can’t blame her.”
“Aunty, I’m really sorry and I can understand why you’re not happy with me”, I’d pleaded with her, hoping she would at least understand a bit of what I was trying to say.
“It’s alright, I’ve heard you,” she’d finally said.
“So, what do you now intend to do with the pregnancy? Do you plan to keep it and tell your husband about it?
…to be continued